E is for VictorE!

Tonight, well last night now, the assembled drunkards and supporting ladies gathered at the South Eastern for another home round darts fixture against the aptly titled Young Guns. Young they were, taking em a bit of time to get their shit together in terms of getting the names up on the whiteboard for the triples and organising scorers and paperwork writers. And Guns they were throwing a goodly amount of tons, 85s and 60s. But the exuberance of youth was matched and exceeded by the skill and wisdom of maturity, and duly ahead 2-0 after the triples were we the mighty East Enders! Yours truly has yet to drop a leg in triples including a one-dart no-nonsense 16 peg that had fellow teammates Ron and OMK up and about after a solid set of 60s, 85s and 45s (no score less than) by the PG.

Still, with no man worthy of partnering myself (my kingdom for a Betty!) in the doubles I stood out and took to the paperwork with aplomb, which gives a person the best idea of how the East was won, or in this case lost, for we picked up only one double, 2-1, dropping the others 1-2. Near run affairs for the most part but who'd have thought the magical, mystical match of the odd couple Don and Chris would be the sole double to take line honours? I can tell you that their opponents beat them to a double in all three legs yet somehow the feng shui feng shuied and Don, whom I dubbed peg leg, proved his intestinal fortitude by pegging second and third legs as Chris, who had scored well but couldn't hit a double for love nor money, showed no signs of finishing proceedings. As I remarked to my professional darts coach, aka, Mum, "If Don hadn't pegged 'em Chris sure as shit wouldn't have!" With Ralph and Martin doing their usual in the first triple and I, aided by Dad and Ron, doing my usual in the other, plus D&C's deadly double combination, the 'Enders turned ahead 3-2 into the singles. That is almost all important, only a bunch of chokers or divine intervention allows the side 2-3 down to win. What is by far more important is that the PG was back in the deserved number 1 singles spot. A good victory there can start the ball rolling for the whole side, furthermore I am a monty to beat any tungsten fodder put up to the number 1 spot by the opposition, and as, like a hot cross bun, I rise to the occasion against good players the odds are again high for me to take the choccies against the opposition best, whilst shielding the Ralph's, Martins, Ants and OMKs of the world the pressure of the #1 spot. Plus, in the end, I *love* being number one! More time for drinking when one's work is done!

Anyway the first leg I shot out to a good lead with some merciless attack on the triple twenty, though blondie, a bloke that was clearly YG's best player, went broadside to broadside with HMAS PG. Still reach the double first one should win and win I did though blondie and I both got some rum darts on the approach to doubles and the doubles themselves, pitching into doubles or triples instead of fat numbers and next door beds. 39 and 39 was the darts count, a little above division average (30) but at least we both had equal darts and I was simply the better.

The second leg I increased the scoring even more but somehow blondie got a bloody run on, matching my sixties, scoring tons to my eighty fives and ton-pluses to my tons! He finished off just as I was salivating over my d16, 26 darts to blondies 29. Just below average and blondie had more darts! The importance of the shot!

Well blondie, as winner of the second leg, was first at the bull but with a centre bull I was undisputed leader. Still after a ton start it all went ahoo with thirties and twenty-somethings. A great mix for an orgy but not so for an orgy of tungsten. Anyway just as I straightened up blondie went off the boil and I crawled back before a timely 140 (NOTE: Name in the paper two weeks running!) put me back in the running. Blondie was clearly upset and shanked it all, despite some excellent first dart at triples (triple 10 in second leg, triple 14! in third) to leave doubles he somehow made a grand mess of things this third leg to leave 27. Again a bit of rum luck on both parts but I actually got to a bloody double first whilst blondie was mucking round on 17. Twice I failed at a d6 peg, pitching first dart into six both times and subsequently busting before I decided to aim just outside the outer wire of d6. Then I got that tell-tale half-slip, half-curl off the middle finger that I wish I could consciously recreate which puts the dart into a death spiral every time, straight into the double! Huzzah! The PG wins his first singles 2-1 and opened the floodgates.

Ronald then proceeded to not only jam open the floodgates but blow up the fucking dam as well with a 27 dart first leg (yours truly scoring), then an uncharacteristic loss in an hard fought 30-33 dart affair (YG's 33 darts) before the Scot really got his back up. As mentioned earlier the winner of the second leg throws first at the bull in the decider, but when I called out "Young Guns at the Bull" Ronald, in his Highland impetuousness, had already thrown, hitting the centre bull. After everyone put their two cents in before realising, as always, PG was right, Ronald's dart was recalled, YG's hit just outside the bull and Ronald hit just outside that. Well, as Romans, Russians, English, French and German have all found out through history, there is seldom anything less ferocious on this earth than an angered Scot! 133 95 133 95 23 +2 and it was gameshot in 17 darts! That's not just div 1, that's fucking PDC almost, an 88 average, if he had pegged the 45 in three it would have been 100+ average! Suffice to say, Ron, unbeaten so far in singles, was pleased.

With the games score 5-3, sacrificial lamb Chris losing a gallant 1-2 to YG's third best player, and reaching the double in his final leg first but to no avail, it only remained for one more win to secure the match. This win was delivered by Ralph in a consummate 2-1 victory, followed hot on his heels by ol' Master Peg Leg taking a 2-1 victory, Don playing his third leg at the same time as Ralphy. 7-3 and playing for percentage, OMK shot to 1-0 before hitting the wall and losing his second leg, to the surprise of all, to a female North American Bison masquerading as a darts player. (AKA A huge bitch!) None the less her migration instincts had kicked in during that second leg with a string of 60+ scores and a decent peg to leave the OMK fuming. Duly then did our fearless leader reach his double but then again, uncharacteristically, did Captain Tungsten McBald stumble on the doubles. Still the bison had run out of steam and was raggedly charging at anything that moooooved, leaving herself an abomination of 11 from a promising 56. None the less our Captain seemed to be poised to drop his first game in the singles this season, before yours truly gave the timely advice, "Come on Old Man, it's only for percentage." The influence of that dew drop of darting wisdom upon le Capitaine's next two darts will be widely debated forever and anon by all and sundry, namely myself, Dad, the homebrew and Banjo, but what is fact is that in two darts the Old Man had his double two skewered and his unbeaten singles record intact. An 8-3 win, with no games lost to nil and a game won to nil (missour PG's triples) means its points and percentage for the 'Enders. Speaking of the End, this is it!

Bring on Annie's Angels! Till then, keep the beer cold and the tungsten white hot,
PG Out.